A Letter to a Number

Dear 30,

Let's be honest with each other shall we? I come closer to meeting you with each passing day...really, there is less than a year and half left... and I find myself alternately excited and terrified for that day when we have to reconcile with one another. Perhaps we will embrace as sisters. Perhaps I will slap you upside the head and deny your existence. Perhaps a little of both. I'm not sure I will be able to full know how I feel about you until I am off to greet 40-- and we all know how I feel about 40.

You know, you are kind of big deal; a rather rotund number, if you'll allow me to say it. I have been taught to harbor anxiety about you my whole life. I'm serious. I believe the wrinkles, weight, and responsibility, all have something to do with it, though I know that is not all of it. There is something unseen and unfixed about you that adds to the anxiety. Maybe it is purely the uncertainty of change...of knowing I will never be friends with 20 again and that maybe I didn't do all I could to make 20 more beautiful. Because, let's face it, I've been a little rough on 20. She needed some shaping and molding and some figuring out who she was and how she fit into the world. And she's still not there yet.

Maybe that's where you come in, 30. I hope that's where you come in. Maybe you can be the fairy dust that gives a little confidence to 20. Makes her less concerned with what other people think. Please tell me the day I meet you is the day 20 stops worrying about every word she says. The day she makes choices for herself and not for other people. The day she loves her body because it a beautiful miracle, instead of wishing this was toned and that was thinner. Can you do that for me 30? Can you have this whole life thing figured out? Please say yes, because if you can't do it, is there really any point in appealing to 40? She's so far away and I'm not sure 20 can wait that long.

I'm counting on you 30 to do your part. I'm counting on you to be beautiful and lovely and wise. If you aren't, I'm pretty sure 20 is going to throw a fit. Did you know she still does that?

Keep in touch.

Me