Monday, March 3, 2008

In a pickle

I have a problem, a conundrum, a pickle, if you will. (You know, I’ve never really understood the pickle thing. What is it supposed to mean when you are in a pickle? It makes no sense...)


This problem is in reference to online me. Now, normally, one shouldn’t have a problem with one’s online self because one’s online self can be anything one wants her to be. But that’s my problem. Online me is an imaginary version of real me: real me the way I would like to be and not the way I really am. And let’s just say I have a healthy imagination. This online me that I have conjured is pretty much flawless. She has millions of adoring fans who hang on her every word, just bating their breath for her next deeply humorous and inspiring piece of prose. She is, of course, intelligent and sophisticated; with a perfect manner of expression that engages everyone around her. She is never flustered in social situations, but confident that every word she utters is worth hearing.

So, what is the problem? She sounds fantastic doesn’t she?

Well, that’s just it. I despise online me. She’s too amazing and I don’t know what to do with her. She is always there mocking me with her perfect diction and witty sense of humor. She is much more friendly and approachable than real me and so everyone I know is going to want to be friends with online me instead of real me. I can see her in my mind’s eye and hear her voice whispering that she is slowly going to obliterate real me.


As you may have guessed, this poses a real threat to my real me existence. But I have some moral issues with regards to how to “take care of” online me.

First, if I ice online me is that breaking the commandment, Thou shalt not kill? (Can real me even use the word ice in such a fashion?) I could just erase her completely and no one would ever have to know she even existed; just delete the files…on accident, of course. It would be a sad and untimely death, but I’m sure she wouldn’t even notice; and then her adoring fans would flock to real me and real me could have a chance to be in the limelight.

Second, if I do exterminate her, will I die as well because I created her and therefore she is a part of me, if only imaginary? Or will that imaginary part of me be gone for good when I kill her off in a fit of jealousy because real me wants to be what online me represents, but can’t quite get there? Or, if I do delete her, will real me take advantage of the opportunity to become better or will she be content to be the same monochromatic person she was before online me.

Finally, could I give her flaws just to make real me feel better; or does that mean that real me has flaws too and I would be better off imagining a perfect online me? She already has a slipping regard for good punctuation and grammar...I could just enhance those flaws and give her a good lisp.

Hmm…like I said, quite the pickle.

So I guess this begs the question, how do all of you deal with your online mes? Or are your online mes the same as your real life mes? And, if you tell me they are the same can I call you a rotten liar for not admitting your online me is in all ways at least a little better than your real life me? (And, for the love of my sanity, please tell me, how do you type up the plural form of 'me' without it looking weird?!!)


Lisa said...

I understand the issues with "online me". It's easy to write about my kids on our family blog, but sometimes I hate my personal blog. I'll like what I write one night and then groan when I read it the next morning. I was just thinking today, "Should I get rid of it completely?" Wish I had some good advice, but "real me" is at a loss . . .

stephanie said...

OH my goodness Erin - you totally crack me up. I must admit that I am TOTALLY IMPRESSED with how well you write. Not that I didn't think you could write well before or even gave that idea any thought before...but now that I am reading your stuff let me just say - you have a way with words. Congratulations. :)

As for the "online me" - I think I tend to put too much out there. For better or worse.

Genypher said...

You are in a pickle! (And no, I don't understand it either.) I understand the idea of 'online me'. My idea is that this is your blog. It's not your real life, or your whole life. Share what you want to share and keep private what you want to keep private. It's just a blog.

Alisha said...

I agree with Gen...share what you want, don't share what you don't want. Everyone always looks much better on their blogs. Use your blog however you'd like. FYI- I love both of you...haha. The online you is awesome, and so is the real you. I think the online you is a better inside look at the real you. You are fabulous and amazing, maybe you just can't see it like we can!!