In our house, we've made a non-verbal pact to only go clothes shopping for Chris once every two years. There are several reasons for this.
First, Chris. Hates. Shopping. (Let me rephrase that). Chris hates shopping for anything non-electronic or entertainment related. He would give up eating for a month in order to deck out his PC with a new power supply and graphics card, but he gives a compulsory mouth-vomit every time I mention the s-word (shopping) and goes into full on dry heaves if I tell him we are going clothes shopping for him.
Second, I hate shopping for Chris. Now, Chris is a manly man, a guy's guy and all that, but when it comes clothes, he can throw down the picky princess card faster than a 15-year-old girl. It always ends with both of us wanting to go postal on retail outlets and each other. It's just not pretty.
Finally, two years is enough time for hubby's clothes to wear out to the point that he is forced to buy clothes, by sheer lack of any other option, without me having to do anything at all. Our marriage wouldn't survive if we had to go any more frequently.
The week before Christmas our two year statute was up. One of his two pairs of pants got worn enough through the knee that we both knew the jig was up. I told him I refused to wash his one pair often enough for him to wear them every day and he, thank goodness, refused to just wear them out of spite, regardless of smell.
We loaded up the kids, went to Kohl's, and parked the car. I sent Chris in alone to grab the exact same style of jeans as the ones that were worn out and I sat in the car with the boys. (Luke knows all the stores in our area and refuses to go into a single one that carries only clothing or home decor).
I didn't encourage him to try on other brands or styles, I knew from previous experience that he wouldn't like them. He sticks with what works and I'm okay with that. After 45 minutes of trying on jeans, he came back with a single pair of jeans, exactly like the ones he already had. We were set for two more years.
The next day Chris wore the pants to go see Tron and when he came home he immediately told me that he didn't like the pants. "They just don't feel like the ones I had. They fit weird," he explained. I nostril flared him so he would know the extend of my disdain for what he was telling me.
We went back to Kohl's the next day and I sent him in alone to return the pants, while the boys and I waited in the car. Half an hour later he came back empty handed. "I'll get some another time. I'm too tired right now". Um kay, fine.
After Christmas it became painfully obvious that he needed pants NOW. We loaded up the kids for a third time and went back to Kohl's. This time, after much whining from everyone, the boys and I went in with Chris. The boys ran around the store like banshees while I gave Chris every single pair of jeans I could find in his size. He tried Comfort Fit, Relaxed Fit, Regular Fit, Boot Cut, Straight Leg, Low Rise, Mid Rise, and every other fit, cut, and rise available.
TWO HOURS LATER, battered, tired, and weak, we walked out of the store with his size in Relaxed Fit, Straight Leg Levi's, the exact same style and color of the jeans that had worn out.
"That's so weird," he said "maybe it was just that one pair that didn't fit right. Maybe something was wrong with them."
"Maybe something is wrong with you", I thought.
But this tale doesn't end there my friends. No, the next day when Chris went to work, he reached into the pocket of his perfectly fitting, fantastic pair of jeans and felt a piece of paper. When he pulled it out, it was none other than HIS ticket stub from the last time he went to see Tron.
That's right folks.
He bought the same pair of jeans TWICE! And for MORE MONEY!
And that is the tale of how it will now be four years before we go clothes shopping for Chris again.
The end.
Oh.
And Happy New Year from the Fruitcake side of town!
