Snap, Crackle, Pop

It’s 5:11am my friends, and what am I doing? Not sleeping. Very annoying. Why am I not sleeping? Well, Luke woke up a half hour ago with his diaper half off, marinating in his own pee. Evidently, he was a little more than ticked that we put him to bed early last night, and he wanted to make sure the full effect of his disdain was felt by waking up just early enough that I should be going back to bed, but just late enough that I can’t. In other news, I’m blogging. Here’s an enthusiastic woohoo.

So, I can’t stop thinking about this lizard we found yesterday. We accidentally dug him up in our garden the day before and he got dumped in the wheelbarrow and couldn’t get out. Well, being the good Samaritan that I am, I lovingly extracted the poor little fella from death’s grasp and he responded to my good deed by freaking out. I, of course, dropped him on his little lizard head, and he slithered down the driveway dazedly. Not wanting him to remain on the concrete frying pan, I tried to shoo him towards the garden---a gesture to which he responded by Popping. Off. His. Tail. I then responded by freaking out. There was a lot of responding going on. It happens.

I’ve heard tell that lizards could do such things, but I always thought there was some sort of “pulling of the tail” involved. Nope. It just comes right off whenever the lizard feels that losing a limb might be a good thing to do. Oh, the mysteries of the universe. That high and mighty Geico lizard could do with some good tail popping, I’ll tell you that much.

Anyway, the whole incident got me thinking that the ability to pop off body parts might not be such a bad thing; specifically, the ability to pop off your backside. Think about it. Anytime you felt like it, you could just pop the thing off---have a little less junk in the trunk. Then you could do what lizards do and regrow a whole new one. A better one. One with a little less cellulite and bigness. I’ll tell you what, I’d be in like…..5^th heaven. Not quite 7^th heaven---which is supposedly the best of the heavens and reserved for things like eating Baskin Robbins ice cream and sleeping. Yeah, 5^th heaven is for new backsides.

Popping on body parts might be a handy-dandy talent too. You know, pop on an extra middle finger when you want to really let that…guy…know your thoughts on his inconsiderate driving. Pop on a new chest when you feel like actually wearing that cute training bra and not just wishing you could fill it. That’s Victoria’s secret…she can pop body parts on and off…a new bum here, a new chest there.

Hmm. I guess I’ll have to be content with 3^rd heaven…reserved for blogging and sugary cereals. I’m gonna go pop off my head so I can fit in the sofa. That’s all I have to say about that.